Pandemic Education Woes

Like most parents in Ontario in 2020, when the March break started and it was announced that it would be extended by a couple of weeks, we figured that would be that.  Little did we all know.  Before the end of that first few weeks, the government announced that schools would remain closed until September!  All the kids had to move into online learning.

A few years ago we decided to drop our home internet.  We live in the country and in a valley, so our only option for home internet was satellite or dial-up.  We had opted for satellite when we moved there.  It was great for the first several years, but then it got slower and slower.  I call it "traffic volume", but my husband, who spent the majority of his career working in high tech, and in particular with satellites, said it was because business customers are more important to the provider so they, quite literally, dialed the stream back on home customers.  He called numerous times to complain and we would see improvement for a while, but then it would start to get slower again.  

It got to the point where it was so slow, it was only slightly better than dial-up.  This went on for a couple of years where we would have kind of moderate, almost okay, service for about a week each month, and then it would dry up so that we couldn't even get emails.  Some loud phone calls and persistent complaints revealed that for some bizarre reason we had been pretty much permanently dialed-back for the past couple of years.  As a result of the complaints we were refunded one month of service (ring-a-ding-ding) and turned back on full.  I'm not sure why any of the techs had been able to make this apparently simple discovery over the past few years of complaints, but we'd had enough.  We dropped the internet.  

In its place we decided we would go with cell phones for each of us, with data plans.  If necessary we could use the phone as a 'hotspot' and allow the computer to use the phone's data for a short while.  For my teenage son this was a kind of torture because it meant he couldn't play most of his games online.  For his schooling, it meant that we had very inconsistent internet access for his sudden shove into online learning. 

My son was a grade 10 student at the time.  As I said above, we live in the country.  As a result, none of his friends lives anywhere near us.  This means that school is his main source of contact.  Aside from that, he does better in an in-person learning environment.  He needs the teacher for direct contact and motivation, so they are available to encourage him and to also respond to any questions on a one-on-one basis.  This was now gone.  A lot of things added up to big problems:  unreliable internet, no classroom setting, no friend contact, no motivation to do the work independently.  Consequently, he had to repeat grade 10 English, math, and science.  His fourth class had enough marks for him to pass without having to repeat it.  

September rolled around and classes did indeed start.  He was very happy to head back to school, even though it meant he had to wear a mask from the moment he got on the bus until the moment he got off the bus.  Schools moved to a "quadmester" format, which had its own challenges.  He spent all day, every day, for a week on one subject; and all day, every day the following week on a second subject.  The quadmester was basically half of a regular semester, or about 10 weeks long, with only 2 subjects being covered per quadmester.  

He had already started grade 10 English when schools shut down.  So in September the teacher gave him, and others in his position, a big assignment to do on the required reading book.  If they got it done by the time of the end of the first quadmester and did well enough, they would pass grade 10 English without having to repeat it!  He got it done.  He did have to repeat grade 10 math, but it was okay.  He got through the science by also doing an assignment.  He started his grade 11 work.  In the second quadmester, which started in early/mid November, it started to look like there might be another shut-down soon.  

After Christmas holidays, which were four weeks instead of the usual two, he returned to school in time for his exams.  Right afterwards the schools closed again.  By now the schools had figured out a system and they were able to lend out laptops, internet hubs, and other technology items to students.  The hub meant my son would be able to do his work online.  Hooray!  His grade 11 English teacher, obviously thinking and planning ahead, had already handed out the books that would be needed for her course in the fourth quadmester.  Fortunately for my son he had a spare and math scheduled for the third quadmester.  That spare meant he had every other week off and this enabled him to kind of keep on top of the math homework.  Since most of the province was under a lock-down, I was at home to make sure he got up on time and was planted in front of the computer for his school work, while I was planted in front of my own work laptop doing work (using a hub of my own brought from the office).  

School never did go back to in-class.  As my son finished his final exam for his grade 11 studies this past June, I congratulated him on becoming a high school senior.  His comment to me, which says more about the effects of the pandemic than anything else I've read or thought of, was this, "Mom, I feel like I'm still in grade 10. This covid thing has completely messed up my high school."  

It has.  Normal 17-year-old teenage boys are getting their driver's licenses, hanging out with their buddies, taking girls to the movies, and going to school dances.  It's a small consolation to either of us that he will have stories to tell his grandchildren some day.  It sucks.  There weren't even any school photos for grade 10 or 11.  We had to do our own.  Hopefully his senior year will be more normal.  I don't want to end up with a high school grad on my hands that still feels like they're in grade 10.  

PTSD and Beyond

It's hard to believe that in a few short weeks it will be five years since the traumatic incident at work that led to my husband's PTSD. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

Calling it a "disorder" isn't really right.  I think disorder implies that it's something that can be put back in order at some point, but five years on I'm really having doubts about that happening.  Perhaps it should be called a "syndrome".  Actually, it's really an accumulation of things. 

In the beginning he was...quite literally a raving lunatic.  He didn't eat, lived on coffee and cigarettes, and didn't sleep.  It completely messed with his circadian rhythm and his Diabetes!  Our family doctor was out of town and the local hospital (which actually has a mental health unit) was less than useless.  He saw someone - not a doctor or psychiatrist - who took notes for over an hour, but finally just handed us a business card of a local mental health counseling clinic and told us to call them on Monday.  I didn't have to call the clinic because I work in administration for the clinic's head office.  That clinic is mandated and funded to deal with serious mental illness only.  That means they work with people with schizophrenia, etc.  While I believed my husband had a serious problem, he had yet to be diagnosed with anything.  We got him to our family doctor finally and he got us hooked up with a psychiatrist and a counselor. 

While I started to see some improvement over time, it was a slow process.  As an adult I can accept and understand what was going on.  Our young son, however, had a hard time with it.  He sometimes still does and since he's only now 12 years old, he's had to deal with this almost half his life.  It's been hard for him not having his dad in the way he used to.  The fun-loving, easygoing guy was gone.  Is gone.  May not be back before our son himself is gone off to university and the start of his own life. 

Sometimes is hard for me to remember how it used to be before depression, anxiety, anger, apathy, and a whole host of other fun things became our way of life.  And if that wasn't enough, the contradictions are difficult to manage too.  If I cry over something, I'm being emotional, but when I manage to not be emotional over something, I'm heartless.  I try not to take it personally.  What is fine today sometimes sets off an angry tirade tomorrow.  It's a juggling act and a balancing act rolled into one. It's like I've got my husband, but I've lost my husband.  His essence is fundamentally changed and may never be the same again. 


We've all said at one time or another, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."  My truth is that this is good enough for my worst enemy.  I would not have a problem with my worst enemy being forced to live with someone with PTSD. 

My wish for 2017 is greedy.  I want more improvements in my husband.  I want to see him laugh freely, embrace adventure once again, and express his love for his family and life in general the way he used to.  Hold your loved ones close and make sure they know they are loved because life really can change in an instant. 

Live long and prosper!

The Shocking State of "Modern" Education

In the Fall my son’s school conducted some standardized testing.  A few weeks later the results of these tests were mailed to us and I read them, filing the document away afterwards.  In the early Spring we got a phone call asking us to come in for a meeting with the principal, the teacher, the school’s proctor (my son’s French teacher), and a rep from the Board of Education.

At this meeting we were informed that our son is gifted, according to his test results.  While this result was not really a surprise to me, what did surprise me was that the school had called us in for a meeting about it.  I was surprised because being a small rural school, they have no facility for effectively dealing with or managing gifted children.  I think the days of promoting kids beyond their age level have gone by the wayside.  It’s probably just as well because since it is a small school of only 130 kids, any kid that was either failed or promoted would have to endure endlessly being singled out as “different” by their peers.  This would doubtless continue right up until high school graduation as the friends made in kindergarten are the same kids he will eventually graduate with. 

The school’s proposition was to create an “Independent Education Plan” which would outline ways in which to challenge my son’s strengths while providing remedial attention on his struggling areas of learning.  At our request, further more in-depth testing was effected in order to determine what my son’s strengths and struggles might be.  A few weeks after that testing was completed, a further meeting was set up to discuss the results.  This was the “Identification, Placement and Review Committee” and included the same people as before. 

At this IRPC meeting the list of identified strengths and needs once again didn’t really present any surprises to me.  Never fear, though, as there were a number of things that not only surprised me, but some completely blew me out of the water. 

One of my questions to them was about spelling in the curriculum.  The answer was that beyond the primary grades (1 to 3), they no longer have spelling per se.  Rather, and this shocked me for several reasons, they have a computer program that allows a child to type in the first few letters of a word and the program makes a list of several suggested words.  The child scrolls through the list, clicking each one, and the computer says each word as it’s clicked.  Then the child simply selects the right word by its sound and it is inserted into their document.  WHAT?  I mean, WHAT??  How on earth will children learn to spell if they aren’t taught to? 

Then I asked about cursive writing.  I know that email and typed communication of one form or another has pretty much taken over writing, but I believe this skill is still necessary.  Imagine my surprise when I was informed that they no longer teach cursive writing!  I asked how my son would ever sign a marriage certificate or a mortgage application if he couldn’t write, but there was no answer.  I’m still gobsmacked over this one and have decided I will teach my son this summer. 

The list continues:  the teachers say my son is having a hard time with research.  I dropped that one right back in their laps.  I said that they should not assume that every child has free access to a computer or that they have developed the skills the school deems necessary.  I told them before they plunk a kid in front of a monitor with the Google page open and tell them to research something, the school should first make sure that those same kids actually know how to use Google!   

Now I realize why so many young people are heading off to college and university so ill-prepared for it.  In September when my son's teacher asks, "What did you do on your summer vacation?" my ten-year-old son will reply, "I learned how to write, how to spell, and how to multiply and divide."  What will your child say?  Take action now so they can say the same.  Our children's education is no longer provided by the educators, it's provided by us. 

Descent Into Madness - A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there was a young man who went off to the Armed Forces School of Electronics.  He studied very hard and graduated second in his class, being rewarded with his choice of postings.  He served several years in the military before leaving to seek his fortunes elsewhere.  A few years later an old buddy from the air force recommended the man come work with him at a high-tech company.  So the man moved to the small rural area and started his career at this high-tech company. 

The abuse from management started almost immediately and because upper echelons in the corporate world tend to place greater value on opinions of management, this man was labelled a troublemaker by his abusive, alcoholic boss.  Time passed, years in fact.  The man continued labouring under a succession of managers, several of whom continued the cycle of abuse.  By now he had acquired very specialized knowledge of the highly exclusive technology employed by the company and with his many years making contributions to a pension plan, he felt that leaving would be extremely difficult. 

So he bought a house and started renovating it.  Then he met a woman and they got married, finishing their renovations together.  A few years later, a son arrived.  The family moved out to the countryside to a pretty property on the water, with lots of room for a growing boy and his dog to run around on. 

Things were great at home, but the abuse continued at work.  By now the man had come to realize that his company was, for all intents and purposes, a corporate breeding ground for abusive management.  He carried on, managing to remain employed with the company throughout several rounds of layoffs and having the organization sold twice.  Over the course of his career with this company, he became something of a “terminator” in that his coworkers tended to transfer difficult problems to him because he had the ability to find solutions to the hardest technical issues.  With the introduction of new hardware at certain points, he took it upon himself to learn all about it and then created Saturday morning “classes” where he taught his coworkers how to serve clients with this equipment. 

Due to the climate of nepotism that pervades the cliquish / clannish area in which they live, the man’s wife – who came from “the city”, as did he – found it difficult to obtain full-time employment.  She’d even applied to the company he worked at, having two interviews for positions that were later given to less qualified friends or relatives of the individuals either conducting the interviews or senior executives of the organization.   The man’s income was sole support for a family of three and all that goes with home ownership.  

At long last his wife obtained a full-time position.  She was quite happy in her job until an accident necessitated six months off while she recovered from surgery.  After sick benefits ran out, unemployment benefits kicked in for a few weeks.  During her convalescence, the man’s latest and most vindictive boss called him in for the annual review.  A few minutes into the discussion the man finally had his fill of abuse.  He snapped.  He left the boss’s office, grabbed his stuff and left.  This was in the middle of winter and the last thing his company (or anyone) should have allowed to happen was an extremely upset person to get into a car and drive.  The trauma of his meeting with the boss still fresh in his mind, the man found his car spinning in circles on the icy roads.  Somehow he managed to sit in the car for a few moments and then work his way home.  

His surprised wife was curious as to why he’d arrived home hours before his normal time.  He was not talking, seemingly unable to communicate to her what had him so obviously upset.  A couple of hours later it was time to pick up their son from the school bus, but the man appealed to his wife to come along for the ride because he was too upset.  She hobbled out to the car on crutches and quickly discovered she had to direct where he was going.  This was how it went for the next day as well.  The day after that she had to direct him to a city three hours drive away so she could see her surgeon for follow-up.  She worried when she even had to tell him which way to turn out of their own driveway.  He should not have been driving at all but she was still wearing a cast and not allowed to drive yet.  

For four days he lived on coffee and cigarettes.  He was barely speaking and when he did, it was incoherent.  He was quite literally vibrating.  He had not slept more than an hour a night since arriving home from work four days before.  His personal hygiene habits disappeared, forcing his wife to remind him to brush his teeth and bathe.  

So the man’s wife eventually forced him to drive them to the emergency room where he met with the mental health team.  Within days he went to his own family physician who quickly got the man into counselling.  He was on extended sick leave from work, but at least his wife was back on part-time hours.  They had some huge financial holes to climb out of since she’d been receiving only about 40% wage from the unemployment sick leave benefit and now his own salary was dropped by about 25% as a result of not having shift premiums or overtime.  

It’s interesting how you truly do find out who your true friends are when you’re in trouble.  His company forbade staff from having anything to do with him.  He’d been there for 28 years and only one person – a woman no less – had the balls to stand up and speak out on his behalf.  

Now the real games began.  He couldn’t manage the stress and trauma that having to deal with anything caused.  His wife intervened on his behalf.  When it became apparent that he would end up starting a claim for long term disability, they asked his company to provide the necessary forms.  Then they asked again.  And again.  And still yet again.  When the form arrived, they were overwhelmed by two things:  (1) how much information and documentation was required, including doctors’ reports; and (2) how little time they had to pull it all together and send off to the LTD insurer.  As an added bonus, now they needed to ask the company for the plan number because despite sending a full page letter detailing what to provide, where to send it, and to get it done in less than a week, they did not include that minor bit of information.  

Repeated calls and email messages to the human resources department were apparently ignored.  The day before the documents were due in another province, the wife told her husband to get on the phone and not hang up until he’d spoken to a live body and received the necessary information.  As soon as he managed to get the information, he raced to his wife’s office in order to fax all 65 pages to the LTD carrier just under the deadline.  His company, who claimed they wanted him to get better, didn’t realize their shenanigans were only making him worse.  

With another drop in pay expected for him as he now went onto long term benefits, the family was clearly struggling.  This added to the man’s stress levels.  His wife did what she could to reassure him that as a couple their relationship was solid and she wasn’t going anywhere.  Their son had a hard time understanding why his dad suddenly didn’t want to play with him, read books to him, or even seemingly even spend any time in the same room with him.  The little boy felt the loss strongly, often asking his mother why daddy didn’t love him anymore.  She did her best to explain to her son that daddy loved them both very much but that right now his heart and his head weren’t communicating very well.  She said that daddy needed them to love him even more. 

The months wore on and the man lost about 50 pounds.  Being Diabetic, this was the last thing he needed but his eating habits were off.  If his wife wasn’t home to prepare meals, he often forgot to eat, making dinner his first and only meal of the day.  In fact, she still had to regularly remind him to bathe and use deodorant.  At least he could make short drives to familiar places (like the doctor’s office) on his own. 

The summer faded away and still the man’s company failed to provide answers to some of their ongoing questions.  This included the request for a letter of employment that had originally been made in the Spring.  The family could not afford to maintain their home and made the painful decision to sell and move back into town.  They’d need the employment letter to obtain financing on a new residence.   As Autumn started, a letter arrived from the LTD carrier that they had reviewed their file and decided the man was well enough to return to work.  The couple were curious about how such a determination came about when the only items they had on file were those bits included in the initial application.  

Here’s where the couple discovered the consultant hired by the carrier to interview the man had apparently been feeding them a long line.  She had gotten the man to admit that he might be able to work somewhere other than his company (and why are they taking the word of a mentally ill individual anyway?) and this went into her report despite the fact that the man’s wife had added the caveat that just getting a job somewhere else was not going to effect a miracle cure.  Aside from that, his company had given specialized training for specialized equipment over the years any kind of job that would utilize the skills he possessed would require his wife to quit her job and their son to have to change schools as they would not find such work in their local area.  They would be forced to relocate to another area of the province away from family and friends.  This consultant pretended sympathy while providing the carrier with a report that would assure his term on LTD would be short.  

While they were happy to hear they could appeal the decision, the situation raised a whole bunch of new questions which only the man’s company could answer.  His wife rarely has any luck getting a live person on the phone and when she manages to get any kind of response by email, it’s always a variation of “we’re looking into it and will get back to you”.  It’s the stock answer she receives whether she’s asking about the letter of employment, or anything to do with pension and benefits, or even about where the record of employment was that should have been mailed months ago when they stopped paying her husband.  

And in the meantime, each setback is truly a setback as her husband sinks further into depression.