It took a fair amount of persistence on my part to get here. Thankfully I kept on returning to the emergency room until I got some tests done and at least reached a diagnosis.
I'm so glad that my surgery is tomorrow. Each day the pain seems to be worse, and this thing inside me is definitely growing. It interrupts my sleep so that I probably get about 4 to 5 hours per night in total. When I do sleep, I dream horrible things like that the tumour is the size of a canteloupe instead of the golf-ball to lime size it is.
The current surgical plan is to remove a section of the abdominal muscle. Not this past weekend, but the weekend before, I had a CT scan. I know I already had one before, but that one was more to just determine that Yes, there is something there. Based on that scan and the following biopsy, a new, more complete CT scan was ordered. Several things happened while I waited for that appointment.
Since I had already had cancer back in 2021, that surgeon regularly monitors me. She had gone off on maternity leave and at my last appointment I saw her practice partner instead. That was in January or so. She indicated at that time she would see me in six months and we'd schedule a scan to make sure all was well. That appointment was coming up soon and while I was still dancing with the doctors at the ER trying to get someone to take me seriously and do something, I actually called that surgeon's office to see if we could move my appointment up a bit. I just knew they'd do something for me. They couldn't move it but I did decide to keep the appointment. Just before that appointment was due, and as a result of the biopsy, I ended up scheduled for the complete CT scan. This scan ended up being scheduled for 2 days after my upcoming appointment with my original surgeon. I finally ended up with a surgeon in London, Ontario who said I should keep the appointment for the CT scan here in my local hospital because to wait for them to have time to put me in would only delay the surgery.
In the meantime, my first surgeon returned from maternity leave a few days a week before coming back full time this month. She was reviewing files and happened to notice correspondence from the surgeon in London. I had listed her as one of my doctors on their forms because she was the only doctor with knowledge of my cancer history and I figured she'd want to know anyway. So she called me up and asked, "What the hell's been going on?" I told her the whole story, lamenting the fact that my former family doctor had closed her practice about 2 months after my last cancer surgery and that me and all her other patients ended up orphaned. An hour later, as I was driving home from work, my phone rang and it was her again. She told me that she had reached out to a colleague at the local medical clinic to ask if they knew any doctors taking patients and she explained my situation. I had to pull over to write some information down because she then told me the doctor said, "I'll take her." Hallelujah! I got a family doctor! Not only that, but when I went for an initial meeting and discussed how my previous doctor had orphaned my family, the doctor said they'd take my husband and son too. And just like that, after 18 months or so, we all got on with a new family doctor.
The day after I met my new doctor, I had my CT scan and they said they'd forward the result to my doctor in a few days. Thrilling words "my doctor".
The CT scan was not as pleasant? smooth? easy? as the last one. The technician was not good with the IV and it hurt throughout the experience. Still, it was one more thing to check off on the list. I called my doctor's office a few days later to ask that they make sure the results are also forwarded to my surgeon. A while later they called to confirm they had sent the results to London and then told me that the scan was clear. Except for the cancer we already know is there, they didn't find any other cancer. I'm still afraid to believe it, but it's very very hopeful news.
As it happens, though, I do have some really positive feelings about the upcoming surgery. Any pain will be healing pain and will diminish with time. As I have said before, the post-surgical pain can't be any worse than what I'm living with right now. I will do whatever it takes to get well again. It so happens that I also had a visit from my late bff in one of my dreams recently. She didn't speak. She just walked up to me and we had a long hug. I thought about it after I woke up and I believe she was offering comfort and reassurance. I think if things were going to go bad, she would have said something. It was good to see her. She doesn't visit me too often and I really needed this.
Today my coworkers threw a little party for me to wish me well. We had veggies, charcuterie, chips & dip, and even a cake. There was a lovely card with a Tim Horton's gift card inside, and even a couple of gifts - a dreamcatcher that says "children matter", and a hair scrunchie, both of which were made here on the reserve. One of our board members, who I absolutely love (she was on my committee when I was a project manager), also dropped by and had a gift of a kind of small tote bag that she had made. I'm really going to miss everyone while I'm off. It's so fantastic to have a job you love and coworkers who truly truly care.
I probably won't be able to add any more to my blog for a while, but I do promise to provide an update as soon as I can. Catch you all on the flipside.
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